Good Riddance To Bad Christmas

With most of the world back at work today, it seemed fitting to give the holidays a respectful send-off the only way I know how; with two fingers.

I have to say though, it's hard not to feel a little bit festive with the weather we've been having lately. I've seen more snow here within a week than I have in my entire adult life! As much as it warms my cockles seeing my daughter making snow-angels and pelting me with snowballs as I sleep, I could really do with a rainy spell right about now. After two failed attempts to get to the local supermarket (one almost ending with a quite literal bang) I've had to spend two days without any of the following:

• Milk
• Bread
• Cereal
• Toilet Roll
• Tinned and Frozen Food of any kind

Lucky I know how to improvise! Although I was pretty unpopular one morning when I served up tuna mayonnaise and onion rings for breakfast. You don't even want to know how we got round the round the toilet roll situation.

Yesterday morning, after deciding enough was enough and I would be a slave to the elements no longer, I tackled the problem head-on and... Did my shopping online. Now my salvation lies in the hands of whether the Tesco delivery guy is ballsy enough to drive on what is now effectively black ice with a hefty coating of slush. I guess all I can do now is sit back, with fingers and legs crossed (at least, I would if not for the crippling arthritis and prosthetic hip) and hope for the best. My situation has become so grim I'm at the point where I'll even accept substitutes. Substitutes I tell you! Truth be told, even if he managed to make it with only my toilet roll to deliver, I'd still be delighted. Things are getting quite desperate. I never thought I'd see the day that I wished a Stephanie Meyer book had more pages in it.